Posts from — November 2008

There aren’t many lines I’ve heard from a man in ‘mojo-action’ that can make me laugh until my belly hurts. Maybe it’s just me but I found this one hilarious.

A friend of mine walked up to a bar. She was wearing a ring on a chain around her neck. A guy at the bar noticed it.

Bar Guy: Is that the ring that guides you at the end of the night?

My Friend: Yes. And it will guide me home, not to your house.

Bar Guy: So you’re inviting me home with you!

Oh, I love the cocky self-confidence (sometimes)!

Thanks to my super awesome friend, Cassie, I’ve been tagged for the ‘7 Random or Weird Facts About Me’ game. Oh fun! So here they are, readers. Enjoy!

7 Facts About JennyJuice That Shouldn’t be Admitted:

1) If I’ve had too much to drink in a public place (for shame!) the theme song from the Retiman’s ‘Au Couture’ commercials (ooh la la) plays in my head when I walk. And yes, I work the walk for maximum effect.

2) Whenever somebody says ‘bath’ I sing Ernie’s ‘Rubber Ducky’ song from Sesame Street – sometimes out loud. Then, of course, I have to picture that person playing with their rubber ducky in the bathtub.

3) Birds freak me out.

4) I have the world’s ugliest feet.

5) I would totally get naked with Justin Long, the guy from the Mac commercials. Being that I work for a Microsoft partner, that makes me a traitor AND a whore.

6) When I was 11 years old my hands could reach my knee caps (standing straight, arms at my sides).

7) I believe in soul mates, true flames and “things that go bump in the night”.

So anybody out there feeling odd or different, rest assured. There are far worse freaks than you!

(Grumble, grumble, grumble.) Okay. I’m back. Now where were we? Oh yes (sighs). The toys.

Why are some of us so obsessed with stuff – the houses, cars, gadgets, even junk? Here’s a shout out to all the pack-rats out there: You haven’t even opened your neighbour’s Operation game that you bought for 50 cents at his yard sale 12 years ago! Why are you hanging on to that junk? It’s a good thing you don’t move often.

I just don’t understand why we’re driven to consume more and more, to collect more and more belongings – including things we couldn’t possibly need. I understand why we like sleek, shiny cars and flat-screen TV’s, self-indulgent as we are, but how can we possibly need 10 of them? Or an entire rec. room dedicated to a bottle “collection”. Seriously, what’s wrong with us?

All these things we “need” to own don’t even make us happy, though we foolishly believe that they will. They sometimes even make the people around us very unhappy. Of course, I don’t mean because they’re jealous and want to have a new car, too. We care more about our possessions than the living, breathing souls closest to us. (Come on now. Be honest. I know I’m not the only person to ever refuse to let my little sister into my new car with her strawberry milkshake – though I later reconsidered and said milkshake later landed all over the front seat, as predicted. Oh snap!)

Yes, I’ve had my own obsessions with stuff. Fashion can, at times, be my biggest weakness. I once moved from Yellowknife, NWT to Small Town, AB with a U-Haul trailer containing my fancy-schmancy treadmill, electronics and a whole lot of clothes. That’s it. No furniture, housewares or anything remotely useful. Oh, I had many fine, beautiful clothes. Eventually, I stopped dying a slow, foodless death of misery and self-hatred and got far too fat for my super-model clothes anyway!

I, personally, had to lose everything and start from scratch a few times over before I finally learned that material gain is the absolute worst goal or motivator with no hope for any true, personal gratification.

That’s not to say we should never buy ourselves any toys ever again but that we should keep them in their rightful position in our order of priorities – at the very bottom. In the end:
1) It’s the end.
2) We can’t take it with us – wherever we may be going.

I know when I get to the pearly gates I will have many wrongs to account for. One of my responses will be:

“Yes, God, I sold my soul to the devil for a glorious cello. I also helped people and innocent animals often and tried my best, for the most part, to be a good and kind person. Shall I fetch my cello and play you a hymn now?”

Wish me luck!

Yeah, that’s stolen from a t-shirt but it has stuck with me. If any of you have this t-shirt, by the way, I’d be willing to pay top dollar for it. Ha ha!

Hang on. Be right back. Must…check…Ebay.