Category — Oprah's Juice

Dear Oprah,

So sorry I missed your show today. I know you must’ve been entirely crushed after frequent, failed attempts at catching a mere glimpse of my lovely face in the endless stream of home viewers.

Surely, Stedman gave you my message? You did patch things up with Stedman, did you not? Oh dear. Just to clarify, if you’re not with Stedman and you got a flaming bag of dog poo on your door step…that was NOT my message!

My message went like this:

Hey Toots! Gonna miss your show today. My dog keeps trying to hump me and I’m afraid to reach for the remote. No sudden movements. You know. Call me!

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Dear Oprah,

Sorry about your luck. It appears as though you might not be getting the premium juice. But you see, this is my favourite juice – the juice that doesn’t take hours to squeeze and is readily available.

I want to share this juice with you, Oprah, because you’re just so fabulous. Now I know you’re busy bettering the world, making peoples’ dreams come true and what-not but I’m going to keep your Oprah Juice coming for those rare days that you feel the need to slum it with we common folk.

Cheers!

Your new best friend,

JennyJuice