Have you had your juice today?

I’ve been tossing around the idea of adding product reviews to this site for a few months now. I love to shop and pretty much every friend of mine has heard me blather on and on about something that I’ve bought and love (usually makeup or skin care products) at least once.  Likewise, they’ve been warned about what NOT to buy.

I feared that readers may not be interested in ‘Product Juice’. Then it occurred to me: who WOULDN’T want to be saved the disappointment of wasting hard-earned money on an expensive eye cream that quite frankly, sucks chicken butts?

Behold Exhibit A:

Study this image very carefully. Memorize the simple yet elegant font telling you to believe in the wonders within the .5 ounce tube. Now if you see this $33.00 tube again in your shopping endeavours, back away. You do not want to waste your money on this product. There’s no hope in this tube.

Hope in a tube was the first eye cream I ever used. Oprah endorsed philosophy:’s hope in a jar with enthusiasm so I assumed hope in a tube would be a worthy purchase, as well. I didn’t yet have any wrinkles, so to speak, but I was aiming for prevention. Of course, I didn’t want to run out of what was sure to be a fantastic product anytime soon. I decided I needed 9 tubes for my friends and I.

Philosophy: claims that hope in a tube’s “results are excellent and immediate”. I’m not sure how they came to that conclusion. I used hope in a tube for over 2 years and what were once miniscule hints of fine lines are now actual fine lines.

I don’t blame hope in a tube for my new lines but it certainly didn’t prevent them nor minimize their appearance. It didn’t “temporarily erase” them. Yet I continued to use this product because I had so much of it and didn’t want to throw it away.

My friends didn’t like hope in a tube either and my mother wouldn’t even accept a second, free tube — seriously! It was unanimously agreed that the product is too thick, awkward to apply (it doesn’t spread easily) and greasy. It also burns worse than expected if you accidentally get it in your eyes. Most importantly, none of the 3 of us noted improvement - not even a hint of added brightness or improved softness.

But don’t worry. There’s a light at the end of this tunnel. I’ve been using Olay Regenerist Eye Lifting Serum for just over a month now and so far, it’s a huge improvement. It glides on easily, it feels like silk, it wears well under makeup, it’s not greasy and I truly believe it makes the skin under my eyes look smoother. This  is an affordable product that’s definitely worth trying.

                         Olay Regenerist Eye Serum (.5 Ounces)

Happy Holidays, readers! I hope each and every one of you has had your fair share of chocolate, baking and other assorted Christmas excesses. I, myself, have been surviving almost entirely on chocolate, liquor-filled chocolate and ridiculous amounts of coffee this holiday season. I have not just wanted but NEEDED those few luxuries to keep me sane.

Why, you ask? Were the holiday festivities, shopping madness and general chaos causing my near, almost-there, could-still-happen, mental breakdown? Perhaps, but I believe it had more to do with my somewhat unrealistic goal to write and post a Christmas eBook.

I have to start by saying that this will be my first Christmas since my favourite kindred-soul, Riser, passed away. He was my first Irish Wolfhound and I absolutely adored him. It may seem silly but my favourite time of year isn’t the same without Riser. I still enjoy all the sparkly lights, decorations, festivities and Christmas cheer. I just enjoy them slightly less without my enormous sidekick.

Of course, it really doesn’t help that I lost my job unexpectedly. That is where my sort-of adventure began.

I’m an optimist, for the most part. Though it’s admittedly difficult to maintain, I’m a firm believer in the positive mindset. Focusing on negativity has never gotten me anything but — you guessed it — more negativity.

One of my first thoughts after losing my job was, “Oh goody! I have more time to write!”. That thought was soon followed by “Oh! I’ll write a Christmas story!” which led to “I’ll write a Christmas eBook!”.

I wrote, rewrote, and finally finished an eBook entitled ‘Maggie’s Christmas Adventure’. It was only a few days ago that I managed to complete this project.

Of course, then I ran into problems formatting the eBook. After that I had issues with this site’s theme and had to do a lot of work preparing the site for the eBook. Then I had multiple issues trying to add a functional PayPal button.

It’s rare that I lose my positive attitude but I almost gave up a few times. Three things prevented me from throwing ‘Maggie’s Christmas Adventure’ into the recycle bin:

1) Tremendous support from my fantastic friends,      Cassie and Wade.

2) The nagging voice in my head that kept reminding me that it’s not acceptable to give up and especially unacceptable to give up on yourself.

3) A stray dog that jumped in front of my car while I was driving on an icy road this afternoon. No, I didn’t hit the dog. Yes, I did try to steal him but he wouldn’t get into my car. He kept trying to get me to chase him and play.

This dog was particularly rough looking – not in a generally unkempt kind of way. He was very thin with extremely matted, black and dirtied white fur. His eyes were yellowed and blood shot.

The dog didn’t look very healthy at all but his humour, playfulness and wagging tail suggested that even though he clearly wasn’t living the ideal dogs’ life, he was, indeed, happy to be alive. And here I was feeling sorry for myself because I couldn’t post an eBook on my blog site. That’s just wrong.

I gave myself an instant attitude adjustment. I played with my dogs, took them for a run and tended to some of the long-neglected household chores. With my optimism renewed, I then decided to give posting my eBook another try.

Wouldn’t you know it? JennyJuice.com has an eBook! One point: optimism. Zero points: negativity. It’s definitely been an adventure.

If you’d like to check out my ebook, you can download a free, 17-page preview of ‘Maggie’s Christmas Adventure’ here or visit my eBooks page .

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Mistyglen's Rising Star a.k.a. Riser

I understood that living with an Irish Wolfhound would change my life. I did my research. I knew they were a rich man’s dog – expensive to buy, feed and maintain. I knew all about the special considerations necessary for his safe growth (Sleep! No running!), accommodation (Lots of space!), feeding (Moistened, elevated.), exercising (Not on pavement! NO RUNNING!), transportation (No Austin Mini for me!), veterinary care (Both arms, both legs, most of my stomach and my mother’s entire left half!) and comfort (Dog beds aren’t available in size ‘extra jumbo large’ but an overstuffed futon mattress is perfect). I knew my Gentle Giant would steal my heart and crush it entirely when he fell into his early grave.

Yes, siree! The very first time I looked into his mystical, golden eyes I understood that life as I knew it was about to change forever. I had no idea how much – no idea at all.

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Revenge: n. an opportunity for getting satisfaction or retrieving oneself                                                                                                                                                       Webster’s English Dictionary

I sense your apprehension. Alas, you wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t suffered one injustice or other. Let us not pretend that my services are not what you seek. You are precisely where you want to be – in exactly the right place.

Come now. Fret not. Even The Holy Bible ascertains ‘an eye for an eye’. Of course, that can always be taken a step further should your situation require a more thorough settling of the score, so to speak.

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It was a glorious summer day. Twelve-year-old William lay on his back on the grassy hilltop, gazing at the endless blue sky above him. There wasn’t a cloud in sight. He could hear the faint murmur of the river gurgling in the distance while the whisper of the slow, summer breeze slipped through the branches of the great oaks towering above him. It was almost perfect.

“Chase me, Will! Chase me! You can’t catch me! You can’t catch me!” It was Andrew. William lolled his head to the side and fixed his best evil stare on the boy looming sideways in his line of vision.

“Sod off, you pain in my arse!” But Andrew only laughed. He was blissfully unaware of William’s true feelings for him. William didn’t merely hate his younger half-brother — he loathed him. He could feel the bitter, dark acid rising in his belly with every flash of Andrew’s perfect smile.

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On her first night in the log house, Jessica dreamed the most horrible, treacherous dream she had ever dreamt. She dreamed she was staying in a luxurious hotel room. Its antique furniture and fabrics were hidden between the stacks of cardboard boxes that dominated the room.

Somehow Jessica was certain that the boxes were hers, though there weren’t any familiar possessions among them. They seemed to be filled with junk: a tattered baseball mitt (she owned a baseball mitt?), trophies from miscellaneous childhood achievements she hadn’t actually achieved, what appeared to be old bicycle parts, Atari joysticks (Atari!), tarnished brass knick-knacks – you name it and it was likely somewhere in that stash of undesirables.

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Jessica rearranged the haphazard boxes that had shifted toward the back of the U-Haul rental trailer and closed the metal door, securing it with a padlock she had purchased at a local hardware store before leaving town. She giggled under her breath, trying to contain herself. There’s certain exhilaration in surrendering to impulse. And right now Jessica’s impulse was to run and never look back, not even for a second.

She looked away from the lock she was still clasping in her palm and discovered that the elderly gentleman who had pumped her fuel for her was staring at her with furrowed brows.

“Ain’t plannin’ on splittin’ afore payin’ an old man, is ya?” he demanded.

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Happy day, readers! Welcome to my Project Juice.

Anything you find in this category is a project in progress. This is not necessarily my finest work — unlike the other ‘masterpieces’ found on my site. Ha ha!

If you’ve been bored enough to venture into my projects for a read, please don’t hesitate to let me know if you find anything particularly lacking. If it sucks, add a comment and say so. I’d hate to torture you unnecessarily.

Thanks for helping me entertain you!

JennyJuice

There aren’t many lines I’ve heard from a man in ‘mojo-action’ that can make me laugh until my belly hurts. Maybe it’s just me but I found this one hilarious.

A friend of mine walked up to a bar. She was wearing a ring on a chain around her neck. A guy at the bar noticed it.

Bar Guy: Is that the ring that guides you at the end of the night?

My Friend: Yes. And it will guide me home, not to your house.

Bar Guy: So you’re inviting me home with you!

Oh, I love the cocky self-confidence (sometimes)!

Thanks to my super awesome friend, Cassie, I’ve been tagged for the ‘7 Random or Weird Facts About Me’ game. Oh fun! So here they are, readers. Enjoy!

7 Facts About JennyJuice That Shouldn’t be Admitted:

1) If I’ve had too much to drink in a public place (for shame!) the theme song from the Retiman’s ‘Au Couture’ commercials (ooh la la) plays in my head when I walk. And yes, I work the walk for maximum effect.

2) Whenever somebody says ‘bath’ I sing Ernie’s ‘Rubber Ducky’ song from Sesame Street - sometimes out loud. Then, of course, I have to picture that person playing with their rubber ducky in the bathtub.

3) Birds freak me out.

4) I have the world’s ugliest feet.

5) I would totally get naked with Justin Long, the guy from the Mac commercials. Being that I work for a Microsoft partner, that makes me a traitor AND a whore.

6) When I was 11 years old my hands could reach my knee caps (standing straight, arms at my sides).

7) I believe in soul mates, true flames and “things that go bump in the night”.

So anybody out there feeling odd or different, rest assured. There are far worse freaks than you!